Archive for September, 2008

Sarah Palin Miss Alaska swimsuit video

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Oh yeah….

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Awesome.

Katie Holmes looks like Tom Cruise in a cape

A date in NYC proved one thing, and that thing has two parts – 1) Katie Holmes looks like shit, and 2) John Lithgow doesn’t care if you saw his play, he’ll autograph anything.

We saw Avenue Q, which I assume is more entertaining than a typical play starring Tom Cruise’s wife. When the play ended, we walked down the street to see the performers of All My Sons leave the Broadway building.

We missed the Law and Order woman, Weist, as she probably left and no one cared to say hi to her.

Patrick Wilson exited next, signed autographs for a few minutes, then jumped into a sweet black car. Actually, I think it was a fancy taxi.

John Lithgow came out, signed his share and said hellos, then walked away with some fat guy and no one followed them.

Katie Holmes then appeared. Hmmm…how can I describe her other than thinking she was a taller Tom Cruise from behind. Her outfit hideous, her hair the same cut as Tom’s, and she didn’t make any effort to sign or say hello nearly as many times as Lithgow or Wilson did.

And her parents picked her up.

Bitch.

Dancing with the Stars = still lame.

Season 7 cast announced. Number of people who care? Exactly. I see quotes on yahoo.com from preteen girls who don’t even care about this show.

If you do, you’re a sucker, and here’s your lineup for the 7th season of stupid television:

Kim Kardashian, brainless girl with a hideous ass the size of a 40 pound watermelon.

Cloris Leachman - she won an Oscar. Probably for something that sucked. Who the hell is she?

Maurice Greene – runs Olympic sprints. So.

Lance Bass -  N’ Sync’s number one homosexual.

Rocco DiSpirito – pretends to cook on TV.

Warren Sapp – brother gotta eat!

Misty May-Treanor -  she looks better in a beach volleyball bikini.

Toni Braxton – forgot she existed.

Cody Linley – from Hannah Montana. Yeah. Seriously. Even the Judges are hanging themselves over this one.

Ted McGinley – Happier Days were probably before he unwantedly signed to do this show. I hope money is worth it!

Brooke Burke – wash up who I haven’t see do anything worth mentioning. Add this to the list.

Jeffrey Ross – terrible comedian and we all know roasts are the worst thing ever created.

Susan Lucci – at first I confused “All My Children” with “Married With Children.” Shame on me for almost saying that someone in this cast besides Warren Sapp is actually cool.

92 stories of Trump

Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, and Donald Trump Jr (no one cares about him) finish off a news conference about the new 92 story Trump Tower in the Windy City Chicago.

I wonder how long it is until someone basejumps from the top. Photo: AP

Clay Aiken gay? No, really?

Dear People magazine, please tell the world something they don’t already know. We knew Clay Aiken was gay the moment his face appeared the first time on American Idol. Cmon…look at him, he just looks gay! If you asked someone on the streets what they think gay people look like, they’ll say “Gay Clay Aiken.”

What I don’t spectacularly agree with is children having two gay dads and no mother. Sure, one of the gay dads might be like a woman, but no one’s mother is supposed to have a penis.

What do you think?

Dane Cook evicted, ugly, and still not funny.

Hollywood resident leatherface Dane Cook was evicted from his West Hollywood apartment for not following the buildings rules for dogs.

The case was settled and the Hollywood landlord was paid in settlement.

Unfortunately, now Dane Cook owns a 7 million dollar home in Hollywood Hills.

Even more unfortunate is the fact that Dane Cook is in a new movie. How much more torture do we have to go through!?!?!

Katie Holmes Broadway haircut

Katie Holmes has a new haircut and a new job! She debuted in “All My Sons,” her first Broadway show. Husband Tom Cruise said her performance “was extraordinary!”

Also on the scene of her first performance was Dustin Hoffman and lots of anti-scientology protestors.

John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest and Patrick Wilson also starred in the show, but no one seemed to care about them.

If Tom and Katie get the same haircut and wear the same bug eyed glasses, would you be able to tell them apart?

George Michael loves the crack

George Michael was arrested in London for possession of pot and crack cocaine after a jerkoff bathroom attendant at Hampstead Heath notified the police.

Dude. Wtf. It’s George Michael. If he wants to be a 45 year old crack head, so be it.

Mr. Michael is on a two year driving ban after driving while influenced by drugs and has been arrested before. Probably because another bathroom dick tipped the po po. This is why we don’t tip guys in bathrooms…because you’re all assholes.