train wrecks

This is just about killing Hitler

When he isn’t busy jumping on Oprah’s couch, giving medical advice to parents, or worshipping spacemen, he also enjoys killing Hitler. Yes that is a quote from Tom Cruise… in one of his recent interviews in which he was talking about his role in the upcoming movie Valkyrie where Cruise plays Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, a man who lead a plot to kill Adolf Hitler during World War II. He made the initial statement after warning that this is not a Holocaust movie, “this is just about killing Hitler”. He also mentions that being able to entertain the audience is just a bonus… and here I was thinking that was actually his job.

You may be wondering, like I was before reading a little further in to it, how the hell is Tom Cruise finding work these days? His movies are expensive to make and, more often than not, they lose money. But here is the reason: he has bought his way in to the commanding position at movie studio United Artists who is producing Valkyrie. So think about it, are you going to tell your boss that “Nobody likes you Tom… I hope that spaceship you’re always talking about really does come and take you away”?

OJ Simpson – 61 and guilty, on three, HUT!

Dear Oj Simpson,

Why are you a douchebag? Why are you 61 years old and waiting to hear your jury’s deliberation decision for yourself and a friend, deciding wether or not you committed armed robbery and possibly kidnapping, and now face 5 to life in prison?

You’re not my football idol anymore.

UPDATE! THE FOCKER IS GUILTY!!!! OOOOOOOOH SNAP!

Photo from Getty Images.

amy winehouse skips her own birthday

Dumbass British shit singer Amy Winehouse, resident train wreck, missed her own 25th birthday party. Why? Probably smoking crack again. Her family thinks she’s going to kick the can soon. I think the can already kicked her though.

Her brain must be fried like overcooked funnel cake, and we all know that’s not powdered sugar on her plate.